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Cristina Royale is undoubtedly the best white female sex-positive feminist comedy rapper of our time! Unless there are more than one, then she is definitely in the top 3!

An activist first, she is also a writer, youtuber, blogger, and filmmaker. And size queen.

If you are a straight man with 8 abs and 8 inches who would like to be considered for sex with her, please email a dick pic to objectifyingmen@gmail.com.

The Daddy That Wasn’t

"You look like one of my favorite porn stars... kind of," he said as he stopped fucking me long enough to lean in and lick the side of my mouth. WHY??? I was horrified. He may have been terrible (and I hated him), but he was tall (6'4"), had a nice body, and a pretty...

Mexican Vacation Penis (The Vacation was Mexican, the Penis wasn’t)

When will I learn to stop sleeping with Africans? It (very, very) rarely goes well for me. While vacationing in Baja, I found this very handsome Nigerian who was a 22-year-old college soccer player. His body and his dick were perfect! He was tall, dark, and strong....

Officer Friendly

The night couldn't have gone any better. However, I think he may have killed someone... not on the “date,” but earlier in the week. Thanks for voting for a Washington D.C. hookup! You guys picked a great one (Number 1)! And I appreciate those of you who expressed...

Guy with Herpes

I hated him immediately. And that before the whole herpes thing... He managed to go from zero to asshat in under 3 seconds. Making me hate him so quickly was actually quite an accomplishment since he was willing to help me carry a hot water heater (150 lbs) up my...

Power Lifter

I put it to the vote, and you all (narrowly) chose number 1. And what a great choice that was! It went so well that I'm afraid the story won't be very entertaining. But I will try! Here goes: He was insanely ripped! He was a 23-year-old security guard and amateur...

Pecs or Man-Boobs?

Disclaimer: This entry makes me feel like an asshole (probably because I am one)... but I wrote it anyway. You're welcome. I should add that straight men have been shaming women about their bodies for thousands of years.. and most still do it everyday. So fuck them....

Budapest Hookup

Thank you! I appreciate everyone voting! People voted for the Cuban... and I tried so hard! Long story short... I may have yelled at him and called him homophobic... And he blocked me. So I jumped back on tinder to find a suitable replacement penis, which was not easy...

Washington DC Hookup 9/2016

OMG thank you all for voting! You guys picked a really good one (on my @objectifyingmen fb page)! It went really well! Especially considering I did everything I could to give zero fucks.. such as eating the world's largest burrito beforehand. I also hadn't (and still...

NBA Summer League

This is the first MBA player I have slept with this year. Probably. And really, I don't follow sports... so he could actually be just a random 6'7" guy who has a great body and claims to be in the NBA... Doesn't matter. My vagina doesn't know the difference. It...

Teenager with the Man-Sized Penis

"So am I in your top 5?" he asked. Um... thanks everyone for voting (on my @objectifyingmen fb page)! You helped me break a tie (and rob a cradle)! Background: I was between fucking a 19-year-old NCAA football player and a 24-year-old Air Force guy. The teenager had...