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This is the first MBA player I have slept with this year. Probably. And really, I don’t follow sports… so he could actually be just a random 6’7″ guy who has a great body and claims to be in the NBA… Doesn’t matter. My vagina doesn’t know the difference.

It started with a lengthy conversation with this very tall gentleman on tinder. The whole process took over an hour, but the highlights were as follows:

Me asking for a dick pic, him denying me the dick pic, me asking how tall he was, me telling him to uber over to my condo, and me calling the gate guard with the name of the gentleman caller (which I have forgotten completely).

Now the gate guards at my condo complex all know as much as you do about my sex life…

Anyway…when the basketball player gave me his number, I discovered that we had a text message history… Apparently, I had talked to him two years ago when the summer league was in town. It seems he had refused to send me a dick pic and I stopped talking to him.

This year however, I was feeling lucky.

By “lucky,” I really mean “thirsty.”

I also felt justified in not shaving anything (meaning my vagina) because I was still a little mad that he wouldn’t send a dick pic. I had about 2 1/2 weeks worth of bush grown out… so maybe like 1/6 of my potential bush.

When he arrived, I served him tequila in my porcelain teacups that my godmother gave me (because that seems to make men uncomfortable and I love that).

I have a teapot shaped like a chicken (that is another story), but I forgot to use it. 🙁

I generally find it difficult to write about those sexual encounters that go well (as the entries are more like erotica than commentary)… but I’ll try.

His dick was much bigger than I thought it would be. It was probably 7 inches long, but had substantial girth.

While I generally appreciate an uncut cock, this situation seemed different. He had too much foreskin… and it was way too tight around the head. I wasn’t sure if it was even loose enough to push down. The skin was so long that it covered the entire head and then gathered a bit at the top. Somehow the dick in the tight skin reminded me of a youtube video of putting a diabetic foot into a compression sock… which is probably why he doesn’t send dick pics…

I decided to not even try to move the skin. I just asked him to get a condom immediately.

Of course, he didn’t bring any. Charming. And so unexpected .

So I grabbed a magnum from my top drawer and put it on him carefully so as not to disturb the foreskin situation.

It took me a minute (and a lot of gun oil) to get it in. But then, it was awesome!

I love love love slutty men! They aren’t afraid to get up in there and beat it up. Also they don’t cry if I have to yell at them (which happens fairly frequently).

I’m not saying all athletes are sluts… but… I’m not not-saying it…

I made him stay on top for an inordinate amount of time because the view from below was amazing (also I am lazy). His abs were on point, his shoulders were broad and his face I was ignoring. Because of his low body fat percentage, I could see every muscle engage, and that is one of my favorite things in life.

He got me off twice along the way, with him doing most (like 90%) of the work. #winning #nbasummerleague

It wasn’t awkward until I almost had him out the door and he turned and said, “I am going to call you.”

I stared at him for a minute, then just closed the door slowly with an uncomfortable look on my face.

Very smooth, Cristina.

Email me for the dick pic 🙂 objectifyingmen@gmail.com