I put it to the vote, and you all (narrowly) chose number 1. And what a great choice that was! It went so well that I’m afraid the story won’t be very entertaining. But I will try! Here goes:

He was insanely ripped! He was a 23-year-old security guard and amateur power lifter who used to be in the Army. I may have made some of that up. I’m not sure. It sounded right.

Anyway, I do know for sure that he had a nice dick! The pics he sent were good and a very accurate representation. It was about 7 1/4 inches long with proportional girth and a large head. He was uncut, but he had so little foreskin that, in the dark, I would have believed that he circumcised. Not that I am ever in the dark with them… Feel free to text or email for the dick pic I took.

He was much less effeminate than his tinder pics suggested. That said, he did have three little Chinese characters tattooed on his stomach… which wasn’t the straightest thing I’ve ever seen. I wasn’t interested enough to ask what they meant, and I was sure the answer would have been some buzz words off a placemat at a vegan restaurant (e.g. harmony, tranquility, balance, prosperity, health, love).

But he had a great body, a good dick, he was young, and seemed slutty. #winning

As for the actual dicking part, it was pretty good. He required some direction, and I wasn’t shy about giving it. Some examples of my constructive feedback include, “faster,” “slower,” “don’t do that,” and “never do that again.” And of course, “No!” with a Cesar Millan-style hiss.

He wanted to keep his necklace on during sex. I found it odd, but tolerated it because it was a short chain that probably would hit me in the face.

Everything would have been normal except that he had a very strange way of touching my body. It was like he was trying to pull on my skin… sort of like a masseuse who ran out of massage oil, but kept rubbing me down anyway. First it happened on my tits. I told him to be more gentle. Then he did it on my sides. I didn’t even know how to tell him what he was doing wrong with regard to my skin.

There were a couple of positions where I found myself just staring at his abs. I don’t think it is anatomically possible, but I swear he had 10-pack!

In the midst of fucking on his knees with me sort of sideways (I have no idea what you call that position), he put his necklace in his mouth and kept it there for several minutes. He seemed to be sucking on it a little. I don’t make a habit of looking at their faces, but I did find this a bit distracting.

Critiques (and weird skin thing) aside, he handled himself well. Like a man should, he came only when I gave him permission. He asked for a round 2, but I had to get up early and my skin couldn’t take it anyway.

He expressed interest in coming over for sex again, and I told him we could probably work that out. I would actually love to work him into the regular rotation as long as he doesn’t try to talk to me too much.

So the next day he tried to talk to me too much. He asked me about my day and shared the mundane details about his. I hate that. No one cares about your daily bullshit. I told him so (in a nice way), and he seemed to understand. Actually, it wasn’t so much in a nice way as it was giving one word responses hours later. If he hadn’t gotten the hint, I would have to have that “don’t talk to me except to schedule sex” conversation I keep needing to have with men. How is it that all straight men seem to want relationships of some sort??

I have high hopes that he can stop communicating with me and we can fuck in the future.