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“So am I in your top 5?” he asked.

Um… thanks everyone for voting (on my @objectifyingmen fb page)! You helped me break a tie (and rob a cradle)!

Background: I was between fucking a 19-year-old NCAA football player and a 24-year-old Air Force guy. The teenager had better abs, and ultimately won the vote by a landslide. So I invited him over for sex.

I keep forgetting that teenage males make me want to punch them in the throat. This desire was elicited in me on a couple of occasions that night.

Now, as I’m writing this at a coffee shop, I am ignoring his texts like:

“So am in your top 5?”

This isn’t the first time he has asked me this… it is probably the fourth. The first time (which was right after sex), I just laughed (which should have answered his question).The second time, I tried to deflect by asking why he wanted to hear about me sleeping with other guys… And the third and fourth times, I have just ignored the messages.

The only reason I haven’t been forthcoming with him is that he seems too young to crush his spirit. I also feel badly blocking his number… but it will probably have to happen.

But, really?? Top 5??? Like ever?

Bitch please.

That said, he did have a really, really big dick (email me for the pic I took). It was big enough to make my gay friends wince a little!

He started the encounter by biting my neck… which was not as sexy as it sounds.. it was more like a painful predatory bite .

I yelled at him, and told him I would punch him if it happened again. And i kind of wish he had done it again so I could have (I should probably talk to a therapist about that).

I started on top, so I could ease onto his enormous dick at my own pace. That went well until my thighs got sore. I would like to say it was 15 minutes of me being on top… but it was probably more like 4…

He was not good from behind. He kept sticking it in too far and pounding on my cervix. After the second time I told him to knock it off, he lost his doggie-style privileges .

I made him get on top. That wasn’t the best either. I could work with it, but the rhythm was no bueno. I can’t exactly articulate why it wasn’t working better…

He tried to put my legs up behind his ears. I wasn’t about to give him control of the depth with a huge cock and bad rhythm…

He tried again. I said “no” in a tone that should have been followed with a rolled-up newspaper. He also had the balls to announce, “When I tell you to do something, you do it.”

Bitch please.

I laughed in his face. If he hadn’t said it so timidly (like this was the first time he was trying out the line), I might have actually been mad. I gave him enough pointers while he was on top so I could get mine (twice).

Afterward, he insisted on flushing the condom down my toilet in stead of throwing it away like I asked.

“It’s a fraternity rule!” he announced.

I consoled myself by thinking about how much cheaper a plumber would be that if I had had to pay to sleep with a teenage prostitute. I don’t know exactly how much that would cost, but I mean to find out before I let my appearance go.

Afterward, he kept lying naked on my bed.

I got up and put my clothes on… and he kept lying in my bed.

I brushed my teeth… and he kept lying in my bed.

“So…” I said as gently as I could (to avoid scarring him more than I already had), “I have to get up early in the morning…” He kept lying in my bed.

“Can I walk you out now, I stated. It should have been a question, but I really wasn’t asking.

He finally got up and started getting dressed. And that’s when it happened the first time:

“So am I in your top 5?”

I laughed and walked him out.

“So we can do this again next time I’m in town, right?”

Bitch please.

While his skill was lacking, he was still able to stay hard for something like an hour and a half (and had a huge dick). So thanks for voting! And please vote next time I can’t decide! 🙂